Broken Artifacts
Under the floorboards
more of these memories
broken artifacts
It’s not exact science in the dissonance it creates
there is no sleep I can fall into from,
under the floorboards, vacant memories
as far as I can see
relenting is harder than me, than me
It’s a nervous world. It can guarantee that
With the perimeter set
you believe you can change anything
with your hands on electrical things
But you stay neutral for fear of swallowing glass
The vow is broken now
relenting is harder than me, than me
In a nervous world, it can guarantee that
I’m not indestructible
The terror of feeling weak
I writhe in all directions
I’m always losing sleep
To get out from under these floorboards
To get out from under this state
It’s not safe to look for love here
There is still too much at stake
I stay invisible, not sure who the enemy is
But if the piss and vinegar fits, I’ll wear it
and still relenting is harder than me
(the terror of this, the terror I’m at
A terror with no direction)
Anna: vocals, synths
Matt Brown: drum programming & loop, bass, electric guitars
Change
You ask if I’m trying to change the world
and I say just changing myself
It’s not what I don’t know that scares me
but it’s the things that I know too well
That nothing stays certain but death and taxes
is nearly too much to accept
but somehow I must have survived the detractors
if I’ve weathered the heat and have kept
So no I don’t try to change the world
It changes enough without me
The downturn of this, that, and the other
The land of the ill and the free, and of you and me
I have no expiration date
I am much more like crackers than milk
If you are finding me boring to chew
it’s cause I have nothing left to distill
I have no issue with being sincere
but it’s clearly not something you prize
something more empty, mysterious, maybe
a clay pigeon shot down to size
chorus
Dissenting, divisive, sometimes indecisive
a crisis of epic proportion
freefalling to collect enough speed
just to free myself out of contortion
I may not appeal to your certain taste
my point of view may leave you sour
but at least you won’t find me in the business of
taking all of your rights with my power
It’s you and me
Anna: vocals, hammond organ, piano
Matt Brown: bass, electric guitar
Moises Padilla: drum loop
Pictures of Hope
Trapped underneath the weight of her heart
That shipwreck is too big to tow far
The water won’t bend, I watch her descend
She’s not being brave, it’s too much to take
What was it I could really expect?
How often did she sidestep regret?
I could not change her mind, I tried every day
I brought pictures of hope, but she turned them away
And things have got to turn around is what you want to tell her
If an ounce of justice lives, you and I will find it
If it takes us leaving home, we’ll run away together
and we will know that we’re not alone
something out there will guide us, some kind of love will find us
A better world reminds us that this exists
What meaning does she try to protect?
She’s so anxious to get rid of herself
Who can be blamed? What does it weigh?
She could not be convinced that it was worth more than this
chorus
Now and then I miss hearing her laugh
And I know we can’t change what has passed
I’ve got something to say that I want her to know
In the time left to spare I’ll paint her pictures of hope
chorus
Anna: vocals, piano, synths
Matt Brown: electric guitar, bass, programming
Moises Padilla: drums, sleigh bells
Good Ideas
If I could conjure up hope like an incantation, that’s what I would do
If I could guarantee a love for all, it’s because I’d like to
“All your double thinking is just one of your phases” she said
Yes, but your accusations don’t help me to change this
Besides, this world is a graveyard for good ideas
I give myself a long hard look in the mirror, am I ready for this?
All those things that cling longer than you have expected
is nothing we can dismiss
One body is drifting untethered too close to its sun
And as for me I am dangerously close to the fire
This world is a graveyard for good ideas
The value of a good poker face is that no matter what happens
you don’t have to change your place
Keep it dry enough to float but never fly
We carved those older stories out of stone in the night
too fearful we’d be hated for our secret lives
But independent of all these things is life’s grim realities
To lapse momentarily out of this
this obsessive consciousness, there’s no doubt I can resist
I made a good argument that I missed
Is in me the ability to rise above buoyancy? A flash of brilliant white light
(If I could conjure up love oh I would)
Tonight I might believe anything or ride on a changing wind
(My incantation to conjure up love)
I’ll ask this and listen tuned in
But just this once and I will never, I’ll never ask again
If I could conjure up love, it’s because I’d like to
Anna: vocals, synths, piano, handclaps
Matt Brown: drum programming, bass, handclaps
Moises Padilla: shakers
Emerald City
I said my goodbyes
I left the emerald city behind me
I’m not gonna cry
Don’t need it to feel free or define me
That’s quite the suggestion
The temptation to follow without question
when spinning out of control
but my good deeds are not up for inspection
It is an inside job to keep your chin up
Far from a four leaf clover, but so hard to give up
An epidemic of broken hearts and each one of them mine
Swimming every which way
you only want to move freely within it
But they’re all typically vague
arranging the death of a dream
while you’re still sleeping in it
When each one of them’s mine, I say my goodbyes
And the house wasn’t built
To believe in something so completely
If you feel you’re losing yourself
Leave it quietly and do it discreetly
So say your goodbyes, you don’t need to cry
Such charm! Big ideas! I don’t like to feel manipulated
So next time I won’t be so easily persuaded
Anna: vocals, synths, rhodes, organ, noises
Matt Brown: drum programming, noises, cymbals, electric guitar
Therapist’s Office
It began with me and it will end with me
It’s nobody’s fault and you’re not making anything better
Things are getting worse and you’re not making anything better
So I am still thinking over my dead body, over my dead body
Self-worth is worth how much
Charge by the hour, a fraction of forever
And common decency is lost, it’s chaos
Free will runs everything except for in this office
Don’t want to hear about god or angels
My thoughts protect me from nothing but myself
but my Self is the least of my worries
What am I shielded from exactly when decency is gone, is gone, is gone
So calm the beast by the hour and it still screams
over my dead body, over my dead body
Self-worth is worth how much
Charge by the hour, a fraction of forever
These rules don’t apply to anyone
Failing reality, a session never-ending
when common decency is lost, it’s chaos
Free will runs everything except for in this office
Nothing’s written in the stars, they blink and we’re gone
and modern life stands in the gales of the wind
blowing out anything that burns
you can’t see mines with all the light in the world
Hang on tooth and nail
in moderation excess is acceptable
Emerging from the tank
magic’s dead but living is accessible
So I am done swaying
holding my dead body, over my dead
I’m terrified of leaving this chair but
I will only stay in it over my dead
chorus
It began with me. And it will end with me.
Anna: vocals, electric guitar
Matt Brown: electric guitar, bass, drum programming
Moises Padilla: drums
Guillotine
A little mogul with a swagger and a gun
he rips two worlds open, I fall into one
It’s the alpha, it’s the middle, it’s the end
he’s telling me where, I’m asking him when
while chasing shadows across the desert
I’m the raincoat in bad weather
he’s transfixed with his empire
while in my basement the water’s higher
And I hear my heart, their heart, our heart, oh
Her heart, his heart, all hearts are singin’
Songs of crying, your heart in a guillotine (we got)
Love in a sling, too late to save anything, anything
It’s late. Give them an explanation for me.
Though awake, it’s hard to keep track of this geography
It is as mappable as its scale is conceivable
Time will tell who’ll be leaving, what we’ll steal
that’s the currency that we deal in
chorus
Loving you is like a Chinese finger trap
compass drifting you can never turn back
so I stay haunted, you stay guarded
back to the drawing board where you started
chorus
Anna: vocals and piano
Matt Brown: electric guitar, bass
Moises Padilla: drums
Rhea
An old woman in the sun
watching her dance like twine
Splinter your fingers on her
collecting dust like furniture
My name doesn’t matter
I’m just an old woman to you
not sure I was ever a young girl
at least not one as charming as you
Well you’re such a pretty girl, you’re such a pretty thing
In my time I could have been, I was, all of those things
I was all of those things and more
I was all of those things and more
You think you’ve done it first
you think there’s been no one behind you?
Well you’ve laid in the beds that I’ve made
Soon and your history’ll find you
soon enough and your history’ll find you
Well who do you think that I am?
and who do you think that I was?
and who do you think that I’ll be, to you I am
I am the old witch that you hate
I’m not a ghost at all
You’re lost in the horror of me
and I’ll sit back and wait.
An old woman in the sun
watching her dance like twine
Anna: vocals, synth bass, electric guitar, noises
Matt Brown: programming, electric guitar, drill guitar, noises
Sandbox
Two children play in the sandbox
two children picking up their toys
one child breaks the other’s favorite one
the girl’s unwelcome introduction to boys
Her second trip into insanity
when she came out at the other end
said “love is at the whim of tricksters
I won’t jump into that ring again”
Friendly fire has left me on the brink
as my head starts to sink
so I don’t need to think, I’ve had
time enough fully to contemplate
just how these wars are waged
and I don’t need to play, I’ve done it
Abandon any thought of virtue
it’s not for the faint of heart
you better get yourself acquainted
with all the games that they talk about
chorus
It’s exhausting just for me to think about
the tenderness that we call love
getting siphoned through all these vulgarities
a bait and switch I can’t be part of
I’ve had it
(I’m on my own it’s better than you
I’m all alone it’s better than you)
Anna: vocals, synths, electric guitar, handclaps
Matt Brown: programming, bass, electric guitar, handclaps, cymbals
Moises Padilla: shakers, tambourine, cowbell
Clinic
I can’t believe it’s only Monday and I’m already this way
hoping for cancelled appointments, I’ve got nothing to say
I used to think I’d make a difference, but their lives fall apart
With or without my counsel, and I’m losing heart
I have been in this business for a very long time
believing in the justice system and fighting crime
When you’re 20 you’re proud and hopeful to put the bad guys away
Now my hope is to make it a week & not tell a mother her son’s not coming home today
I broke off plans with my good friend, I wasn’t up for being out and about
I guess I’ve watched too much news this week, another psycho took himself out
and brought along his entire family into the arms of death
Where’s the cause for celebration, when devastation is all that is left?
I split up with Lance last week, I’m still in shock that I dropped him like that
All our friends were disappointed, they liked me better than his last boyfriend Jack
How I can explain the reasons when they don’t make any sense?
I grew up wanting marriage and family, the most we get is pretense. To pretend.
I feel like I am square peg and everything is round
If a tree falls in an empty forest, does it make any sound?
If my words have no one to hear them, do they even exist?
A world of seven billion people, what’s one person’s wish?
This is the existential crisis walk-in clinic
We’re not religious, magic, mythic, or into any gimmicks
Nothing makes sense and we agree, there’s rarely any justice
There is no word we need to spread and take your time to trust us
We’re not about a higher power, no plea to mystic forces
Just a place where you can take comfort in the warmth of human sources
Anna: vocals, rhodes, organ, organ bass, piano
Erik Blood: vocals
Matt Brown: drum loop, synth, electric and acoustic guitar, lap steel
Moises Padilla: shakers, tambourine
Soundbyte
I read a study about happy people
but the results slipped my mind
I started feeling like I was disappearing
between statistics that an expert would find
What happened to me? Was I ever carefree?
The story of your life will almost always seem to need
an editor to fit inside the pages of a magazine (you better believe it)
But it’s not a soundbyte, that’s not how we live our lives
A body will maintain its uniform motion
unless colliding with an outside force
Our trains move on in separate directions
It’s always outsiders we keep out, of course
You don’t dare disturb the world around you
I look at you for a wordless exchange
The moment’s gone after a three minute standstill
no less strangers than before we engaged
The world is too huge, time tested, never approved
The story of your love will almost always seem to need
If in a fortune cookie they quote you one day
that silver tongue for all to taste
Would the punishment fit the crime?
Is the power reductive in a soundbyte?
And all you want to do is make your decisions
on the multiple choice of a lifetime of tests
The critics sniveling “it’s all been done better”
and pull out a yardstick to measure your mess
Well, a Monday morning quarterback, that’s all I have to say about that
But we’re not a soundbyte, that’s not how we live our lives
Anna: vocals, electric guitar, piano, organ, organ bass
Matt Brown: lap steel
Moises Padilla: drums
Bloom
And now the past is over
How do those endings bloom?
What did I think I’d find in a light bulb
that refused to bring light to a room?
I can’t bring back the fallen
I won’t bring back the dead
I can no longer be so nostalgic
For a time that chose to not exist instead
The obviousness hits you, a world it opens up
I don’t want to spend my energy all riled up
In a frenzy, a frenzy, a frenzy
It’s a waste of my time
And I set off all the trumpets without reason
And stay locked inside
When I’m just now in my prime
If I wanted a challenge, it is just what I got
Under a watchful eye that plays dirty
whether I’m playing fair or have had enough
I don’t know why I ever left it
I don’t know what I thought I’d find
At my expense I make everything ugly you say but
I tell you not this time, no, I’ll think twice.
chorus
Do endings end too soon? It could be partly true
Can’t please everyone, can’t please anyone or you
what a waste of my time, while I’m still in my prime
Anna: vocals, synths, drum loop, piano, organ
Matt Brown: electric guitar, cymbals, lap steel
Moises Padilla: shaker
********************************
All songs written by Anna Madorsky, ASCAP 2009
Produced by Anna Madorsky & Matt Brown
Additional production by Erik Blood
Engineered by Matt Brown at the Brewery and the Track Shack in Seattle
Mixed by Erik Blood
Additional engineering by Erik Blood at Mysterious REd X in Seattle
Mastered by Rick Fisher at RFI
Artwork by Olga Zakharova
Layout by Alana Lindner
Additional inspiration on Rhea and Guillotine from Stephen King's The Dark Tower
Talk is Cheap (2010)
Talk is Cheap
Sleeping inside out and half of the time
History’s made in a moment
Forgotten then takes an eye
The ink has run dry
I’ll keep my mouth shut tight
I bet they dig pretty deep for a line
I’m insisting you write there
Go on and make it a bit clearer to me
Spell out the letters in focus
Words mean nothing, and talk is cheap
It’s a brutal shape
I’d watch you prune my vine
and turn me into a flower
I’d have to stay out of the sunshine
What a weary mile in details and degree
I’m nothing but a weed and more never suited me
You go back and forth stacking playing cards
Even committed to paper, your intentions never get too far
That’s hardly a scratch, I’ll keep my eyes on your back
This is where my weight ends and yours begins
(words mean nothing broken, I can’t stand you talking
words mean nothing broken, your talk is cheap)
Anna: vocals, guitar
Matt Brown: guitars, bass
James McAlister: drums
I’ve Got One
I’m looking forward to the summertime
to get over this darkness that comes over and over
But I was wrong, all it takes is a new perspective
and now I’ve got one
No one can touch you I know
I never learned to control my emotions
I blazed through days like a fever spreading over your brain
I turned to thoughts to help me square it out
But thoughts were heavy and they weighed me down
Each blade that’s cutting another one lifting
Some threads were left I tried to tie together again
Could I invent myself as anything?
Walk through winter untouched, every cold winter untouched
We can talk on how my worries are unfounded
I have faith that I don’t have faith in anything said
I have faith that I don’t have faith in anything read
Am I a cynic or a quiet disbeliever?
(On pins and needles either way, on pins and needles any day)
I draw your blood with my strange disposition
I hate that you confuse passion with pretension
I’d erase these less than optimal conditions.
It’s all perspective that you tell
Keep your perspective for yourself
Could I resent myself as anyone?
Could I invent myself as anyone?
You wouldn’t want this wished upon you
And I thought I’d never write again
But I was wrong
All it took was a new perspective
and now I’ve got one
Anna: vocals, piano, rhodes, synth
Matt Brown: guitars, bass, synth
James McAlister: drums
Evidence of Me
I can stay here all day
where there’s no evidence of me
I’ve run all around
I’ve seen half the town
I can go to sleep at night with no evidence of me
With no evidence of me
There’s always another skin
To wrap up the pain I’m in
I know what has run you down
I know why you turn around
It’s still not enough to erase the evidence of me
The evidence of me
In the quiet of my room
I can sing my quiet tune
I’ve seen myself in every window
I close my eyes and dream I’m there
Three, I’m snapped back and find I’m home
Two, I write down the things I know
I feel the evidence of you and see the evidence of me
And see the evidence of me
Anna: vocals, piano, rhodes
Matt Brown: guitar, bass
James McAlister: drums
Bad Fairy
I’d try to drown you
You’d swallow the river and stay afloat
I’m sinking beneath you, under your river
You’re the bad fairy
I spit out your river just to stay afloat
To keep from sinking beneath you
or under your river
Up the stairs on every key
You’re dancing your stories around me
I see they’re brittle, I see them snap
I watch through the words and I see the cracks
I want to see you crack
I want to see
An eye, eye
I keep my demons in check
You’ve got your company kept
You can fly all you want
you can cry all you want
you can fly all you want
But I’d rather it be
I’d rather it be I’d rather it be
I. I. I.
I shut you out for a reason
If you stood any closer I just might shoot
That would be sinking beneath me
Even I got my limits
Now you’ve heard my position
I won’t count on your vote to put me in
At least I got your attention
I speak with authority as much as you on matters such as these
You’re still on my back
I want to see…
You’re the bad fairy
I spit out your river just to stay afloat
To keep from sinking beneath you
or under your river
Even I’ve got my limits
I guess your river’s within it
Anna: vocals, guitars
Matt Brown: guitars, bass
James McAlister: drums, percussion
Verb
I’m running through the last page
I’m well inside those words
I place the sentence and I follow inside that verb
A sickness, its fate, so patient a liar
There’s nothing to move me, I’m walking a wire
Throw out the windows, a bendable house
I’ve tried on the lion, I’ve tried on the mouse
Don’t let me look down pull me back from the ledge
I hate to have to hold myself back (I’m better than dead)
But I can’t see the words. The words.
There’s nothing to say, oh no, and I’m inside that verb.
I’ve broken out of orbit, I watch for bread crumbs now
The vultures circle something (not me...)
They wonder how I made it alive, I made it this far
I wear all my beauty, I wear all my scars
Fear is combustible, water is love
It’s fire and water I’m walking above
...the words…
I’m half across this canyon, I know I’m walking blind
I look for signs from angels to help me one more time
And isn’t this life? Isn’t this love?
Aren’t the stories we’ve written enough?
I’ve thrown up my hands, closing my eyes
keep walking and walking to the other side
...the words…
Anna: vocals, keyboards, synths, noise samples
Matt Brown: guitar, programming and noise samples
An Ass for Every Seat
Tell me what I can count on
Show me what you can do
Some things are measured in minutes
and I’ve lost all faith in you
Don’t complain to me about them
The enemies you still defend
You hate yourself enough to keep them
I hate that you still call them friends
In the fog of your addictions, you can’t see your friends
If you weren’t so distracted, you’d not let that in
The world is such a simple place of supply and demand
Every god has a fanboy, and there’s an ass for every seat
They can say that it doesn’t concern me
But I don’t want you to go down that way
I can see that you’re being reactive
I know it’s hard to hear the things I say
But this is more than just my opinion
It’s not a matter of that you don’t agree
I know it scares you to rip open the surface
And face the pain buried underneath
In the fog of all these victims, you can’t see your friends
If you weren’t so dejected, you’d not let that in…
Licking wounds is not enough to heal them
You’d not allow that kind of shit from me
Why do you stay a perpetual victim?
Why won’t you challenge that reality?
Don’t take this as a persecution
Those who love you have your best at heart
But when you push away the allies who love you
You can expect a reckoning’s not far
In the fog of all these victims, you can’t see your friends
If you weren’t so consenting, you’d not let that in…
So tell me what I can count on, show me what you can do
Don’t waste a chance for an honest redemption
I don’t want to lose my faith in you
Anna: vocals, guitar
Matt Brown: guitars, bass
James McAlister: drums
Marking Time
Until you’re done with all your crying
This liquid umbrella is your eye
You carry the sadness through each doorstep
And in my due process mark your time
and my due process marks your time
Marking the hallways of your time
Before I speak I ration out my breath
otherwise I’d be ripped to shreds
Why be on when I’d rather be off?
I need to protect myself
On the banks of their zeitgeist
I’ve never wanted that have I?
That wicked thought has crossed my mind
but the execution’s dry
If I break it down for no one but you
Would my misfortune have an equal right to
bury human sorrow under your wing
All my pain in just a moment you see
With a coin under your tongue
We’re living our stolen lives
The needful chaos of our time
Desperation is seeping through
Survival has work to do
If we break it down for no one but you (each tear has a story to tell)
Would our misfortune have an equal right to (rewrite the absurd we’re in)
bury human sorrow under your wing (a web of the pain we wear)
All this pain in just a moment you see
With a coin under your tongue
And our due process marks your time
Marking the hallways of your time
Anna: vocals, piano, B3 organ
Matt Brown: guitars, bass
James McAlister: drums, synth drums
Reinforcements
Battle bruised and scarred
holding my weapon I don’t know where they are
I’ve held my post for years
playing the shepherd and mother and soldier from out here
waiting on the reinforcements out on the front line
are they coming?
I was a simple child
holding my tenderness always soft and true
I try to keep yours safe
but duty’s exhausting and every soldier needs a break
I try not to turn around
and while I watch you I listen for their sound
I’m giving all I’ve got
In darker moments I wonder if they will come at all
Anna: vocals and piano, backing vocals
Matt Brown: guitar
Lazy Heart
It’s not the day that you think
Coming out of the thick of things
With my bulletproof vest I took one in the arm
I took one in the chest
There are no negotiations in this
Like a double agent with a silent death wish
Don’t muzzle yourself, I keep telling you
And this mess is enough for the proof
I’d draw you out or I’d leave you behind
Are you asleep? Did a lazy heart turn down the dial?
Oh, oh, and the lines go silent, quiet
Oh, oh, no communication’s violent
Oh, oh, are you there? I can only hear your static
Oh, oh, turn on the radio, you have it
This mission was a critical stage
Two partners in crime for as long as it takes
With these bullets in hand, I wonder where you were
I retrace all the steps to the first
I’m healing nicely, make no mistake
I stood for something, some threads may break
On my way home, my thoughts turn to you
How we said we would see this thing through
And now we’re out, I never did leave you behind
You fell asleep and a lazy hand fell on the dial
Oh, oh, the lines go silent, quiet
Oh, oh, no communication’s violent
Oh, oh, are you there? I can only hear your static
Oh, oh, turn on the radio, don’t panic
Anna: vocals, guitars, keyboards
Matt Brown: guitars, bass
James McAlister: drums
The Unreliable Narrator
The unreliable narrator
facts and fiction have blurred the lines
You turn around to find the story inverted
unrepresented and undefined
A character without character in it
and credibility is compromised
Flirting with truth when it swings in its favor
No discipline, an irresistible lie
The path of least resistance is hollow
but he’s not a warrior he will follow
All I could do was break the fourth wall and vanish
Such a disappointment
How could you miss the point?
It’s such a disappointment
Several chapters with our narrator
a poor historian of our text
His ignorance of himself is astounding
he takes as fact that all else contradicts
We’re left high and dry by our narrator
he fails to see all the connections between
events unfolding in a plain to see manner
A black hole torn in reality
How could you miss the point? It’s such a disappointment
And now the credits roll, and I’m escaping this black hole
into the epilogue, I made it to the denouement
The author dots his ‘i’s
I can’t see what he writes
I’m worlds away and somewhere else
Here’s a quiet spot far beyond the plot
Close the curtain tight enough, well enough
Anna: vocals, piano, B3 organ, keyboards
Matt Brown: guitars, bass
James McAlister: drums, percussion
Epilogue
She’ll meet him on the other side, baby
It looks as time has drawn their line, maybe
If he bleeds out all his characters
She wept inside of all their miracles
And if finally fate outgrows shedding their love’s skin
She still has trouble believing
their love was anything but leaving
Cause she grew up in so much tyranny
affection given with severity
The quiet pieces of her heart
she’s swept back up and tucks away
She said “I thought our love was magic
but I pitched my love, he didn’t catch it
Maybe I’m not what he was looking for
but I swore I saw the pain behind the door
I need a few more months of crying
to let him go and love again”
Our heroine feels herself fragile
but her heart’s both vulnerable and agile
Cause in the wake of all the craziness
through tears and anger for the senselessness
she pulls the moon into her heart
to let him go and love again
She’ll meet him on the other side maybe
It looks as time has drawn their line, baby
If he bleeds out all his characters
She wept inside of all their miracles
And pulls the moon into her heart
to let him go and love again
Anna: vocals, guitar, rhodes
Matt Brown: guitars, bowed guitar, bas
James McAlister: drums
*******************************
All songs written by Anna Madorsky, ASCAP 2008, 2010
Produced by Matt Brown & Anna Madorsky
Engineered by Matt Brown at the Track Shack & Emerson77 Productions in '07 - '08 in Seattle
Additional engineering by Andrew De Lucia at Blue Rhode Studios & Anna at her home in '09 in Los Angeles
Mixed by Erik Blood at Mysterious Red X
Mastered by Rick Fisher at RFI
CD Design & Layout by Alana Lindner
Additional inside artwork by Olga Zakharova
Triumph & Symphony (2011)
When Rome Falls
You haven’t any clue of how to get near me
You treat people like a petting zoo while boasting your army
All the animals that have been caught in the net of your damage
Are not the frightened lambs you think, they’re strong enough to manage
And leave the king to hold court for a kingdom of one
When Rome falls. Will be done.
We ask for an even playing field, you run like a hamster
To exercise the futility that you could be kinder
The redshirt blood brigade you use to gain an advantage
While someone always has to suffer for you, more wounds to bandage
And leave the king to hold court for a kingdom of one
A small token of the thunder begun
When rome falls, we'll be done.
Grown men cried
dared and tried
the battlefield was lit up with the sun
the gold of it shone upon none.
The dark horse stabled up inside needs all our attention
You’ve shamed it into feeling things too cruel to mention
We hid ourselves away but found no safety in numbers
The ancient seas are littered with the hours of our slumbers
As we leave the king to hold court for a kingdom of one
A small token of the thunder begun
A new winter is as handsomely won
When rome falls, we'll be done.
(the sun and the moon will give illumination to
The weakening signal that he’s trying to transmit to you
He’ll walk in every corner pacing everywhere that we’ve been
The distance is a bridge that we cannot surrender)
If we leave he cannot fight us
The king could never buy us
The winter is behind us
And we will leave him.
When Rome falls, we'll be done.
Anna: vocals, piano, rhodes, keyboards, B3 organ
Axel Steuerwald: guitars
Charlie Dresser: drums
Sean Barrett: bass
Civil War
A civil war is burning the ocean
Between our shores while we’re circling the notion
The greater good is so hard and confusing
But the golden rule we’re hardly using
I don’t know what we’re headed for
Through a canopy of night
I’ve still got my nerve to carry me
If you still keep the fire bright
So where’s the use in all our clever inventions
if goodwill sits on the edge of extinction
The captain speaks, says they’ll shoot the deserters
But if the vessel sinks, they wouldn’t have heard us
I don’t know what we’re headed for
Through a canopy of night
I’ve still got my nerve to carry me
If you still keep the fire bright
Turning it over and over again
Talking it over and over again
I don’t know what we’re headed for
Through a canopy of night
I’ve still got my nerve to carry me
If you still keep the fire bright
I think that you are some kind of genius
To talk me through the ocean between us
Anna: vocals, piano, keyboards
Charlie Dresser: drums, percussion
Sean Barrett: bass
Out of the Hornet’s Nest
A windfall in record drought
The rain of good fortune to topple the doubt
Turn off the engine, get to my feet
Lifting my arms as it pours on me
Out of the hornet’s nest, into the lion’s den
Out of the den of thieves, into the desert sand
And I made it alive, I’m alive, I’m alive
I feel it now
A deep well no limits known
The flood of abundance and each finds their own
Watch it spill open, street wet with cheer
The Triumph and Symphony fill the air
Rain begins like a natural law
Coming out as another reign falls
Throw your arms down
Throw my arms up
And I feel it now.
Out of the hornet’s nest, into the lion’s den
Out of the den of thieves, into the desert sand
Children are running by
Stacks of provisions arch to the sky
Words of encouragement spread all around
An army of goodness fuels the sound
And I hear it now
Anna: vocals, piano, keyboards, "orchestra" outro
Charlie Dresser: drums, percussion
Sean Barrett: bass
Effortless
Let it go, my paper bird is flying
Say the words I love you without trying
I'm a cloud, the air's enough to hold me
I defy what they have ever told me
Effortless soaring, with wings not coming down
I'm a nest outside of my own boundaries
I resist the limits they put on me
Space and time are just a point of reference
Push me round, it won't make any difference
Effortless soaring, with wings not coming down
Anna: vocals, keyboards, piano
Charlie Dresser: drums
Sean Barrett: bass
Crown
Toiling. I was toiling through
Through my handiwork of torture
Push my boulder up a hill then start all over
How did I ever get here?
My debilitating nightmare
Oh and the madness never ends
But, but then
You dragged me through my abandoned castles
Gave me my crown
I crawled out from inside my two dimensions
Taking my joy back
Instinct, caution, wondering which of these I ought to
Follow, don’t go, walking through my brain on tiptoe
Oh, I step on the pedal, oh, I pull back the reins
I’m crushed in the middle again
But then
You dragged me through my abandoned castles
Gave me my crown
I crawled out from inside my two dimensions
Taking my joy back
All the wrong ways, I learned it from all the wrong teachers
All the wrong things given to all the wrong people
Oh not to be affected
Hide not to be rejected again.
But, but then
You dragged me through my abandoned castles
Gave me my crown
I crawled out from inside my two dimensions
Taking my joy back
Anna: vocals, guitars, keyboards
Charlie Dresser: drums
Sean Barrett: bass
Don’t You Want to Marry Me?
Don’t you want to marry me?
I’m marshmallow love
In the middle I’m soft and sweet
Isn’t that enough?
If you care anything for me
And I’m just scared I’ll get burned
There’s still a problem with my radar
which means I’ve plenty to learn.
Don’t you want to marry me?
I’m marshmallow love
In the middle I’m soft and sweet
Isn’t that enough?
I’m endless tracking the midnight sky
I’m deep in the dark of the pockets of night
I retreated from a pack of wild wolves
Then wore my own silver coat
I knew then I was alone.
Don’t you want to marry me?
I’m marshmallow love
In the middle I’m soft and sweet
Isn’t that enough?
If you care not a thing for me
If you can sit while I squirm
There’s still a problem with my radar
Which means there’s plenty to learn.
The wounds surrender the venom
and lay down before every cell
And finally I think I've forgiven myself
For letting him not love me well
So finally I think I've forgiven myself
So if you love me, love me well.
Don’t you want to marry me?
I’m marshmallow love
In the middle I’m soft and sweet
Isn’t that enough?
Anna: vocals, piano, rhodes
Charlie Dresser: drums
Sean Barrett: bass
See Yourself
He’s gotten his shot at telling you the facts
It’s nothing you haven’t thought a thousand times worse than that
You’ve been impossibly sad, a head full of razors
Now is it possible that we can try to change this?
If for a few brief moments you could see yourself
Without using the eyes of somebody else
It’s a victimless crime without consequence
If you never would come to your own defense.
We left after dark, you gave me the keys
you cried you feel like a fiction, a fraud, that you needed more self-esteem
You put your cheek on the glass and look out the window
I said the most wonderful people I know rarely think so.
If for a few brief moments you could see yourself
Without using the eyes of somebody else
It’s a victimless crime without consequence
If you never would come to your own defense.
For a few brief moments could you see yourself
without using the eyes of everyone else
It’s a victimless crime without consequence
If you never would come to your own defense.
Isn’t it time that we change this?
Anna: vocals, piano, rhodes, keyboards
Charlie Dresser: drums
Sean Barrett: bass
Love in Spades
They warned against me, said I was a wild card
But if I’m a joker, then I’m also the knave of hearts
Deal out the deck and we can sort this out face to face
Beneath my armor, I could offer you love in spades
The devil is paper thin
And I’m still out gambling
I place my bets again
The others didn’t stick around or follow through
I resist temptation and put a fence between me and you
It is my dungeon, I’m underground with the only key
but now I’m worried I’m buried in far too deep
The devil is paper thin
And I’m still out gambling
I place my bets, I roll love
The daylight pours through my hard diamond skin
Designed to not let more suffering in
But now I want a whole world I’m without
So take my hand and pull me out
The devil is paper thin
And I’m still out gambling
I place my bets, with no regrets, again.
Anna: vocals, piano, keyboards
Axel Steuerwald: guitars
Charlie Dresser: drums
Sean Barrett: bass
My Lonely Parachute
Oh I still think of you
I offered you my only parachute
We were falling like an avalanche
Together was never oh
I make decisions that I shouldn’t regret
While daydreaming about the opposite
Unsettling some of my memories
Forever is never oh
Rise and fall again in the river as the wind blows through
Holding on, I would forever, but then it cuts me loose
Wading out into the water, my lonely parachute
I remember you the astronaut
Around the planet I never caught up
I never understood our circumstance was
Wherever, however wrong
Rise and fall again in the river as the wind blows through
Holding on, I would forever, but then he cuts me loose
Wading out into the water, My lonely parachute
Would I hold on like this forever with a parachute?
I rose and fell into the river, but now the wind blows through
Tell me all about the plans that you’ve kept
I want to hear about the people you’ve met
All my moonboots are two sizes too small,
so let’s take them and burn them all
I’m tired of wrestling with poetry
Help me out because I need to believe
that it is possible that I’d get my wish
that I’ll ever get better at this.
Rise and fall again in the river as the wind blows through
Holding on, I would forever, but then it cuts me loose
Wading out into the water, My lonely parachute
Would I fall again? Would I fall?
Anna: vocals, piano, guitar, keyboards
Charlie Dresser: drums
Sean Barrett: bass
Red Summer Berries
Red summer berries
Jump from the highest swing
I must be dreaming
all of these intimate things
Is this how love begins?
And all the while I am thinking
all of my troubled thoughts
Sit down beside me
And give me the love you brought
Out of darkness I swim into the stars
Now that you know this
You’re behind the fortress gate
The dress is a bold one
the knees underneath it shake
What will you do with me and these intimate things?
What will you do with me when I jump from that swing?
Anna: piano and vocals
Animal
I’m an animal
Call me an animal
I’m 60 seconds from landing
in the space where we intersect
I’m moving in ever closer
Leaving marks so you’ll never forget
That I’m an animal
Call me an animal
I’m an animal
Call me an animal
Climb into the ocean
Take hold till you let it all go
From each cup you are drinking
In this hunger I won’t leave you alone
Cause I’m an animal
Call me an animal
Set fire to the naked moon
No chance that I want to be rescued
Come to just to lose it again
Give you everything and I am not sorry yet.
Anna: vocals, guitars, keyboards, rhodes, drum programming
Sejo Navajo: additional & noise guitar
Andrew De Lucia: drum programming
Charlie Dresser: drums
Sean Barrett: bass
Both Feet In
Both feet in
One then the other
Home was left
with my unread letters
A million miles away now
It’s outer space I can see the skies from
Sapphire blue nearing the horizon
All my voices turn quiet as I walk to climb in
Both feet in
One then the other.
A million miles away now
I’m in a place where nothing turns out right
And all the air is taken when I try
And where is that? The evening sun sets faster
Take me in, I’d give anything to crash there
It’s outer space I can see the skies from
Sapphire blue nearing the horizon
All my voices turn quiet as I walk to climb in
Both feet in
One then the other
I have left
Here I am no one’s treasure
A million why’s I’ve weighed out
A million lies I’ve made out
A million miles away now.
Anna: piano and vocals, guitars
Oh My Friend
Oh my friend I've been defeated
All my hopes have been crushed
I unbottled and shined up my dreams
But they crumbled and turned to dust
Oh but then you remind they're lying
When they say I won't survive cause I'm fighting
I want to take your advice, I'm trying, oh my friend.
Taking cues I'm not understanding
underwater and blind
And all my fears they keep me returning
to the scene of the crime
Oh but then you remind they're lying
When they say I won't survive cause I'm fighting
I want to take your advice, well I'm trying, oh my friend.
I feel like I'm going mad
Right now it's all I have
Holding your words
All that I'm worth
I'm almost through this dark desert island
You kept my hopes and my wish
And if you ever need someone to lean on
I can offer you this
Oh, I will remind that they're lying
when they say you won't survive cause you're fighting
You wanna take my advice, well keep trying, oh my friend.
You will survive this.
Anna: vocals, acoustic and electric guitars, piano, keyboards
Axel Steuerwald: electric guitar, ebow
Charlie Dresser: drums
Sean Barrett: bass
Submarine
Pings from a submarine
Break this underwater scene
A code I could never crack
Anyways, I’m coming back
Breaking in, I’m on the heels of all unchartered missions
Gumshoe, kick myself for all my insecure revisions
The fates have all been sacked, there is no turning back
Clowns everywhere I look
As if scripted from a horror book
My, my you’re a piece of work
Lording over me like some kind of jerk
Breaking in, I’m on the heels of all unchartered missions
Gumshoe, kick myself for all my insecure revisions
The fates have all been sacked, there is no turning back
There is no going back, there is no turning back
One, two, I walk into this room from underwater
I am no longer just a her, or someone’s daughter
In time it takes to blink I’m through again, again
Tossed in penny after penny
But you still throw your weight around
I bought a bottle with a genie
Better still I buckle down.
Anna: vocals, piano, keyboards, handclaps
Charlie Dresser: drums, percussion
Sean Barrett: bass
The Infinite Call
On the edge of a knife we climb our way up towards the sun
And we speculate on the nature of science and god
To the weight of all things
There's no prophet we need
Heed the infinite call
Between science and god
The curious drive to open our eyes to the one, the wonderment
All that we find and all that we hope to unearth, on earth
To the weight of all things
There's no prophet we need
Heed the infinite call
Between science and god
Each day begins we open ourselves to the light
The light or dark path that we take when separate love from hate
of ourselves, our cells, and the
To the weight of all things
There's no prophet we need
Heed the infinite call
Between science and god.
Anna: vocals, organ, piano, guitar, keyboards
Charlie Dresser: drums
Sean Barrett: bass
Sing You Lullabies
The city lies in ruins
And over ground it, the ash is in fumes
And I knew they would burn the city we built
The tragedy would be if we stayed and walked in it still
A lifetime is less than you know
So I can’t let you stay here on silent patrol
I’ll take the wheel while you let it go
I’ll sing you lullabies
I’ll put out the fire on your skin
We have seen all the monsters
Aren’t we done with letting them in?
And I’ll have no last confession
and my love is a naked fact
they told me to leave you and your graveyard behind
But you know me better, I cannot leave it at that
Chorus
Aren't we done with letting them win?
It’s not right to pour out like honey
your shape is unraveling
over landscapes your heart is caught on
The last word has been spoken
And victory here is never certain
You punish yourself for losing what doesn’t endure
Come with me now I’ll show you the things that are truer
Chorus
Anna: vocals, piano, keyboards, guitars
Charlie Dresser: drums
Sean Barrett: bass
Overture
And I hear it now....
Anna: piano, vocals, "orchestra"
*********************************************
Written & Produced by Anna Madorsky, ASCAP 2011
Mixed by Andrew De Lucia
(phase 1) Engineered by Sejo Navajo at 4th Street Recordings, assisted by Alejandro Esperanza in Santa Monica, CA
(phase 2 & 3) Engineered by Andrew De Lucia at Blue Rhode Studios in Los Angeles, CA
Mastered by Paul Logus
Additional engineering by Anna at home in Los Angeles
Strings and horns written & arranged by Anna
performed by:
Danny T. Levin: alto horn, trumpet, trombone, euphonium, flugelhorn, & cornet on 3, 7, 14, 15
Robert Schumitzky: violin on 3, 7, 9
Erin Breene: cello on 3, 7, 9, intro on 1
Album artwork by Alana Lindner
Photography by Daryl Henderson